With kids, as with everything, you get what you pay for by Trish

With kids, as with everything, you get what you pay for

By Trish Smith.

I realise it might be a bit strange for me of all people to be giving out parenting advice.  But I know some of you out there are desperate, like me, to have perfect children, and this might just help.

I have tried many times to guide my children gently in one particular direction or another.  I've tried bribery.  I've tried withholding privileges.  I've tried outrageous threats and under-handed manipulation.  All methods have failed.  My children are still not perfect.  Dammit.

I have tried rewards charts.  But I forget what it was that I promised to reward them for.  I've tried pocket money, but every time payday comes around I don't have any money left in my purse.  I've watched SuperNanny, I know what I'm supposed to do.  I just. Can't. Commit.

A while ago I had what I thought was a moment of clarity.  Why not just give them stickers on a chart for EVERYTHING they do that causes me to cry out in joy "Oh! You wonderful child! You marvellous thing! GOOD KID!"  Even if it means a fridge covered in charts covered in stickers, this will be easier to manage because I don't have to think about specific jobs for them to do; I don't have to think about how many stickers they get for each job, I don't have to figure out what Make My Bed is worth in coins.  I don't have to think.  I just have to say "Good kid!" and they can put their own sticker on the chart, and at the end of the week they add them up and I give them cash for each sticker and all is good and right with the world.  AND their rooms are tidy.

So we sat down and figured out all the things they could do that would make me say "Good kid!”  The list was huge.  See, they know what they're supposed to do; they just like to mess with my head.  Isn't that cute?  OK, now let's think of all the things that you shouldn't do, the things that might make you a not-so-good-kid.  Well, who'd have thought a couple of kids could come up with such a comprehensive list?  Again, they know what they're supposed to do... it's just that they're full of beans. 

I searched all over the internet for a good chart and couldn't find one that I liked, so I made one up myself.  At the start of each week I printed off a copy for each child, and added a sticker for each time the kids did a good thing, or a red sticker for when they were not quite so good.  At the end of the week we added up the good ones, subtracted a few red ones, and came out with a figure.

The Good Kid charts lasted a couple of months.  In that time I handed out financial rewards totalling about $5.50.  I inadvertently turned my house into a child labour sweat shop. 
The problem with pocket money is that the kids expect to receive cold hard cash every Friday morning or Sunday night or at whatever moment you had agreed would be Pay Day.  If you didn’t have the cash – and really, how many of us carry actual money around in our purses anymore? – then you got in all sorts of trouble and any semblance of order you had achieved that week was shattered by their screamed protestations. 

 
But then a chance discussion with a friend with slightly older kids introduced me to the idea of little family Passbook Accounts.  I can’t believe I didn’t think of this myself.  Now, not only do the kids learn the concept of Credit, Debit and Balance, but I don’t have to lose sleep on Thursday night because I don’t have a handful of 5c pieces to dole out in the morning.  Instead, we just write it in their specially-purchased Ledger Books and they keep track that way.  Simplicity!

Now, the deal is that they get $5 per week, every week, on condition that they help out with odd jobs around the house.  I can record “Painted Her Toenails Red In Her Bedroom And Got Polish On The Carpet” as a debit of, say, $2 or I could perhaps give a $2 credit for “Helping Daddy Clean Out The Garage”.  I can do whatever I want, really, because I don’t have to ask myself first if I have any change in my purse.  And then if we’re out shopping somewhere and they see a new book or handbag or board-game that they simply have to have, we can consult the take-anywhere Ledger Books, stick a number in the Debit column and hand over my rewards-points-earning credit card.  Everybody wins.

I’ll report back in a couple of weeks, to let you know how Operation Perfect Children is coming along and, most importantly, what it’s costing me. 

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