Size isn’t everything by Kathryn Vukovljak

By Kathryn Vukovljak

Kathryn is a journalist and sub-editor from the UK who married a Canberra boy and settled here. She’s worked for Woman’s Day, Slimming, Woman (UK), BBC Good Homes (UK) and the more local CityNews, and is expecting her first baby in April 2007.

When you’re pregnant everyone mentions your size. Perhaps they just don’t know what to say beyond: “When’s it due?” and: “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” so the next thing that comes out is: “Wow, getting bigger all the time!”

I know they mean the bump, not me, and that yes, it IS getting bigger all the time because God willing, that’s what’s meant to happen when you’re pregnant.

But for most girls it’s a strange time. We’re a little (well, a lot) more sensitive than usual. There are so many changes taking place, physically and mentally. Your hormones are going crazy and your body is out of your control. Something life-changing is happening and it’s out there for everyone to see and comment on.

My feelings towards the size of my bump changed from week to week. For the first few months I felt fat rather than pregnant. It was a relief to be able to tell everyone I was expectant, because I was sure they were starting to wonder if I’d been at the cakes. In fact I hadn’t gained much weight and no one had any idea, but I felt completely different in myself.

Then at around five months it was pretty obvious what was going on. A small, neat, egg-shaped belly started to appear. But I still had a waist! Exactly the kind of bump I’d hoped for. I started showing off my shape and felt great for weeks.

Then a throwaway comment changed everything. “You’re big for six months!” said a workmate. Suddenly, everyone seemed to know someone who was much further along and about the same size as me. Far from feeling able to flaunt my beautiful bump, I felt insecure because I was big “for my dates”.

People would gawp: “Look at you! You must be about to pop!” I began to prefer comments from strangers because at least they didn’t know how far along I was, and I could smile serenely and tell them I was due in a few days.

But my mum told me I wouldn’t expand at the same rate throughout my whole pregnancy. “Some weeks you probably won’t grow at all,” she said.

And she was right. Growth spurts happened sporadically, when the bub felt like it. There was nothing I could do.

An ultra-trim girl joined my preggy yoga class last week, and without even the merest hint of a potbelly announced she was 20 weeks along and wished she had something to show for it. “No one at work believes I’m pregnant,” she laughed. We all smiled politely. “Are you pregnant?” asked the instructor doubtfully. The poor girl looked stricken – I suppose insecurity can come from either side of the fence.

I began to love the friends who said I looked fantastic – fit and healthy, like I was really looking after myself, and that the only weight I’d put on was my gorgeous bump. I suspected they were just trying to be nice, but I didn’t care – I decided to listen to them instead.

And in truth, I did think my bump was gorgeous. Hard to dress sometimes and often in the way, but beautiful. How can the shape of a pregnant woman be anything but? “Such delicious yummy roundness!” one friend beamed, cuddling my tummy.

At my 36-week hospital check-up, my bump measured in at 36cm. “Perfect!” said the midwife. “Exactly the right size.”

Ironically I’m now one of the smallest at yoga, yet one of the furthest along. And all I hear from friends and family is: “I can’t believe you’re due in three weeks! You’re tiny!” and: “At your stage I’d gained 20 kilos and looked like I had a basketball up my top!”

Ah, you can’t win. I don’t even think about it any more. I’m just glad bubba is happy, healthy and exactly the right size.

Coffee Break is a parent’s insight to life in Canberra.  If you’d like to contribute, we’d love to share your view of the world with other like-minded mums and dads.  Just send your contributions through to feedback@canberrakids.com.au along with your contact details.