Mid-year Progress Report by Trish Smith

Parent/Teacher interviews are coming up. It’s that chance during the term for your teacher to get a look at the people who have created the child they see in the classroom every day. As though one look at the early onset grey hair and the bitten-down fingernails would explain it all. Ah, so you’re her parents. Well, that makes perfect sense.

I know a few people who have worked as teachers, and they tell me that they knew all sorts of things about the families of the kids in their class, because of the way those kids related to other kids, or the things they came right out and said when they were digging in the sandpit.

One of my girlfriends was a first grade teacher, in another lifetime. The kids were making Christmas decorations, but had to stop because they had run out of corks for the reindeer. “Don’t worry!” came a small voice from the back of the room. “I’ll bring in tons tomorrow, ‘cause my parents are drunks!”

It’s like having a secret camera in your house, but not knowing where it is, or what is being recorded. But you just know it’s only recording all the bad stuff. That camera never sees you making play doh from scratch, or baking yet another batch of chocolate muffins. Unless you actually go to the supermarket on Sunday night and buy a dozen chocolate muffins and put them on a plastic plate for an afternoon treat at school, none of the teachers will ever know that you are, in fact, a domestic diva.

So you can understand why I feel a bit apprehensive, going into Parent/Teacher interviews. I’m not particularly concerned with how well my child is reading, or whether or not she’s getting along with the popular kids. Well, I am, to a degree, but that’s not what is keeping me up at night. No, Parent/Teacher night is all about how well I’m doing as a parent, because as everyone knows, if a child is misbehaving, then it’s entirely the fault of the parents.

Which doesn’t make any sense at all, when you consider that my two children have been raised by the same people, in the same house, and yet they are both completely different. No, I would argue that if my younger child is not doing well at school, it couldn’t possibly be my fault, because my older child is perfectly normal. So it must be the school’s fault. Which they would deny, of course.

Nobody wants to take responsibility for my daughter’s lack of responsibility.

Seriously, though, Parent/Teacher interviews have come a long way since I was in primary school. My parents had plenty of Parent/Teacher interviews with my younger brother’s teachers, throughout his school years. He had a bit of a rough time, and although it’s difficult to point fingers or lay blame, there were a few incidents that, if they happened in today’s world, would have seen some teachers dragged in front of a Disciplinary Committee. And he may have been punished in a different way, preferably something that involved a bit more counselling, rather than the non-fluffy end of a feather duster.

We have had cause to talk to the counsellor at our school about an aspect of the behaviour of one of our daughters. It’s a sobering experience. Fortunately this counsellor was extremely helpful and her advice, along with the passage of time, has helped to solve the problem. I must admit to being slightly surprised at how helpful she was; having grown up with my mother’s frustration at the system that wasn’t helping my brother, I suppose I went into that counselling session feeling a bit sceptical.

So let’s assume, for a moment that you have more to worry about than what your teacher knows about your champagne consumption. The best you can hope for, at Parent/Teacher interview, is that your child’s teacher will be able to recognise any problems, and to suggest a course of appropriate action. And the most your child’s teacher can hope for is that you, as parents, will be open to their feedback and willing to play your necessary part in helping to solve the problem. So it really is all about being responsible, and taking responsibility, but hopefully doing it without pointing too many fingers or laying blame or getting defensive.

And while you’re there, maybe you can ask them who colours their hair.

Trish.

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